Report from the F&I evening zoom with Charlie Unwin

“The ‘F’ Word – The Role of Failure in the Quest for Success”

On the evening of Monday 24th February, thanks to our organizer Danny Anholt, the F&I members were treated to the most inspiring and insightful evening with the renowned sports psychologist, Charlie Unwin.

The evening was entitled the “‘F Word’ – the Role of Failure in the Quest for Success.”

Charlie started the evening by telling us how much he had enjoyed the process of putting together thoughts and insights for the evening’s discussion.

He shared the statistics of passes for the Fellowship exam over the years:

25 passed first time, 15 passed with up to 3 failures, and 44 failed never to return.

Charlie made the observation that it was obviously a very hard exam to achieve, that failure can feel tragic, but there is a fine line and it can be absolutely necessary on the journey to succeed.

Charlie quoted the famous lines of Michael Jordan, the US World Class basketball player,

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that’s why I succeed… I can accept failure, everyone fails at something.”

He explained how the young Michael continually practiced with his older brother who was much more able than him. Michael strove to make small improvements in every area of the sport, gradually achieving greatness. This emphasised the need for achieving incremental improvements across the board, resulting in a professional and successful performance.

We were encouraged to speak the truth with our riders. Charlie stressed how important it is to applaud success and encourage riders to ‘raise the bar’, looking at their own strengths and weaknesses and expecting high standards.

The Polyvagal theory regarding regulating the nervous system was discussed as was the Stretch Zone and Flow State.

Surely that’s why we are all addicted to horses and training? For those blissful moments when your mind is empty and totally clear. Nothing else matters – just you, the horse and the rider.

Encourage and discuss with riders their emotions and how they feel. Allow them to talk. They will usually know why things don’t go as expected.

Part of being resilient is the noticing of your feelings. Understand what happened and move forward. Never criticise failure.

The lovely Kylie gave a poignant and heartfelt description of a situation that didn’t go as planned for her. Kylie brilliantly described the different emotions and feelings that she had experienced throughout the process.

Charlie explained that all feelings are okay. That over time the emotion doesn’t change but the volume with which we hear them does.

Thank you, Kylie for the insight so beautifully described – our hearts went out to you!

Most of all thank you to Charlie. I, for one, finished the evening feeling elated, excited, empowered and enthusiastic with the understanding and knowledge I gained throughout the evening discussion.

Also thank you Danny. How wise you were engaging Charlie for the evening and the F&I for giving us all yet another opportunity to grow and move forward with confidence in our newly acquired knowledge.

Caro Haynes

25 February 2025

From Danny:  Thank you, Caro, for such a clear and heartfelt report.

We covered so much in this presentation and I’ve added some bullet point reflections:

• Charlie encouraged us to consider our own experiences of failure and how we’ve dealt with it.
• “Failure is awful!”
• ‘Non Success’ isn’t the same as failure.  It might not have produced the right external result but you (and/or your athlete) might still have learned and developed a huge amount in a positive direction.
• Raise the bar to stretch your pupils, while ensuring that they know you ‘have their backs’.
• ‘Having a nice time or a nice round’ is too unspecific and leads to failure. Help them to set more tangible goals. Be specific with your aims and expectations.
• Don’t expect to mirror what you’re able to do in training in the competition (or exam) arena – follow your detailed process until it is automatic and becomes simply “who you are” or “how you ride”.
• Clive Woodward (England Rugby): When the team’s heads are down after poor performance, don’t try to analyse in the moment. That re-lives and enhances the problem. Wait a day or two before asking unambiguous questions, eg “What could you have done differently?” Also, have conversations to analyse success.
• Failure is not an emotion!
• Emotions create resonance – a pebble creates smaller ripples in the pond than a boulder.  He cited a 15 year old dressage rider who really struggled to be seen to make mistakes in front of others (Perfectionism?)
• We were shown the Centre 10 ‘Wheel of Emotion’. The prime colours of emotion.
• Attribution Theory – how people explain the causes of behaviours and events.
• Is the athlete taking personal responsibility for the failure? Work with it, don’t try to lead them. Be curious.  Encourage your athlete to be curious.
• We should also discuss success and what gave rise to it.
• It’s easy to over-complicate what it means to achieve elite performance. Charlie shared the tale of an SAS officer who addressed his recruits with a pair of boots, a rifle and a radio: You must be prepared to go the distance, aim true and communicate effectively.
• Whatever the emotion, most people will eventually talk themselves around to the solution, which is more empowering and effective.
• Charlie’s book is called “Inside Out” and he referenced the concept of an “inside out” mindset.
• Sponges and rocks (Clive Woodward): Sponges absorb and are interested in incremental gains, often more than the actual outcome. Rocks are ‘Outside In’ (avoid challenges, give up easily, see effort as fruitless…) They tend to hope for success, defend their stance and externalize the causes of whatever doesn’t go to plan.
• A discussion ensued on neurodivergent individuals and how we may approach their failures. Charlie did some work with the engineering business Dyson, who employ a number of neurodivergent folk. He (nervously) challenged them to grow the same as non-neurodivergent employees. (Everyone finds it difficult). The outcomes were very positive, despite the risks.
• Avoid ambiguity – separate the message from the tone, and make the message clear and simple.
• Help athletes to remain positive, see opportunities for growth, and retain self-belief.
• Two shoe salesmen sent to Africa in the 1890s: One decided the mission was hopeless, because no one wore shoes; the other saw it as a huge market opportunity!

On the back of the discussion with Kylie, I pressed Charlie for some more thoughts – and although he did say that he’s reluctant to be prescriptive (everyone is different, every situation nuanced), he gave these pointers for coaches:

1. Give your athlete permission to feel whatever way they feel
2. Rationalise the situation
3. Note which emotions are being fired, and link with the causes for each one
4. Generate perspective – and thus together you can find the opportunities to move forward.

Please come and join Charlie on his Elevate tour (I’ve got my ticket for the Devon gig!):

https://www.peakrider.com/elevate